Humor for Moms

I got this in an email from my sister today. I laughed so hard I snorted. And pretty much because of the honest-to-goodness truthfulness of this. Have to share:

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

• 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB / GYN confirms your pregnancy
• 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
• 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes

Preparing for the Birth

• 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
• 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
• 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette

• 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
• 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
• 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

• 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
• 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
• 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:

• 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
• 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
• 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:

• 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
• 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
• 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

• 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
• 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
• 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

• 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
• 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
• 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

• 1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
• 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
• 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:

• 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
• 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
• 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance.

Comments

[Cat]

That's hilarious...even more so now that we're expecting #3.

[Mich]

ROFL,how funny.
And yes,some is true :-) .

[brettdl]

So true, though we treated our second child like it was a No. 3.

[Blue mommy of two]

Oh gawd some of this stuff sounds like me,but after the twins were born even though it had been a short time span between them and Connor. I decided just getting through the pregnancy with as little effort possible was best. i had been so sick with Connor my morning sickeness lasted the whole nine months! The twins weren't so bad. LOL

The twins are at about a three with me now.